10 Leadership lessons from Madam Secretary

I am thoroughly enjoying Madam Secretary.  Of course, it's Hollywood and therefore Not Real.  But whoever is writing her character is incorporating some great leadership takeaways in her storyline.
Here are my Top 10 Leadership lessons from Madam Secretary~

#1.  She is not afraid of conflict in her own team and with her colleagues.  She is not in her job to please people, but to be a leader.  Leaders keep connected with their teams, but also think outside of the system they are working in.  Do you shy away from conflict or welcome conflict as a reality of leadership?  Do you keep your head out of the politics of the system you are in?

#2.  She always looks for a win-win.  It is not always possible, but it's always her goal.  How hard do you search for win-win situations in your work, family or marriage?  Do you start with the belief that 99% of the time there is a third way?

 #3.  She looks great.  And not in an overtly sexy kind of way.  In fact, she may be the only lead female character on tv that actually dresses like a leader might dress. She is stunning and looks fabulous, yet never uses her sexuality as power.  She is a powerful woman and she doesn't need to show skin to prove it.    What is your personal style when it comes to leadership?  Do you believe in "dress for success"? Why or why not? 

#4.  She has a real partnership in her marriage.  They aren't hung up about gender roles or who makes more money.  They take life, parenting, work together as a team. They make key decisions together and demonstrate real, healthy conflict.  Are you willing to lead regardless of who makes the most money?  Do you compete with your spouse or see yourselves as a team?  Do you make choices in your marriage based on gifts and opportunities or on gender roles?

#5.  She is vulnerable and has to find ways to manage stress.  She is not immune to the reality of her work.  It does effect her deeply.  She is not a superhuman.  Do you give yourself space to be human?  

#6.  She is an engaged parent even with a huge job.  I fully believe that women can have meaningful work and be connected, engaged, nurturing parents. Madam Secretary is a great example of it.  How do you stay connected with your children (if you have kids) when your work is really demanding?  Do you believe that meaningful work and excellent parenting is possible?  What sacrifices in both work and family might happen to do both?

#7.  She leads with her heart.  She allows herself to live into her emotions and doesn't separate her heart and her head.  She also has to make tough decisions, but she recognizes that people matter. 

All the time.   How are you able to lead from heart even as you make tough decisions? 

#8.  She is friends with her husband. They enjoy being together and they are fun to watch.  They don't have a perfect marriage, but they are committed to a relationship that is dynamic.  Do you create opportunity to stay friends with your spouse? How do you create space for life-giving friendships in your life?  

#9.  She seeks advice and wisdom from people ahead of her on the journey of life.  She recognizes that her elders have rich insights to offer and deep experience to share.  She is a learner.  How do you cultivate mentoring relationships with the generation ahead of you?

#10.  She takes up space at the table.  Even in the most high powered situations, she does not sit back or demonstrate anything but confidence (even if she fakes it).  Despite when she may not know what the next step is, she is fully participating.  She takes up physical, emotional and leadership space.  How do you take up space in meetings and conversations?  What might keep you "small" and how to you move past it in ways that help you accomplish your goals?

There's 10...what else do you see in this show that are leadership take-aways? 

A short rant about a lawyer, a pastor, and being a woman

The other day I was in a serious meeting with professionals that I had just met.  I was being asked some significant questions regarding my work and the mission of my university in my role as dean of spiritual life. At the end of the conversation/interview, the attorney who was present (a man probably mid-forties), said nothing about what I said or responded to my content, but instead said,

"Can you talk without using your hands?"  He laughed, and I laughed (awkwardly), and I tried to make a joke about "no, I can't, it's impossible...hahahaha).

Truly, I do use my hands A LOT when I talk.

At first, I wanted to laugh this off and let it go, but I have found myself growing more angry over this encounter.   What he meant as a shallow joke (perhaps even trying to be warm and friendly in some misguided way), came off as sexist and belittling to me.

I am very aware that if I was a man in that interview, it would be highly unlikely that anything that I did with my hands, my voice, my appearance would be drawn attention to in such a way.  This attorney would most likely not have remarked regarding any mannerism of the provost, president, or other senior leader that he was interviewing.   Can you imagine him saying to a male senior leader (without responding to his content), "So, you use your hands a lot? So, you cough a lot? So, you kind of close your eyes in an odd way when you talk? I notice that you talk in a very low voice?".

No.

Over the years, I have been counseled that I have to lower my voice, make my hand motions slower and wider, not nod so much, not be so positive, not be so friendly, smile less, not be so authentic/honest,  not admit when I am wrong so quickly...etc, etc, to be taken seriously as a leader.  Essentially, be more masculine (sorry to you smiling, friendly males that use hand motions).